Welcome. I'm either insainly depressed or hyper!

Sometimes i want to cut and i decide i will, but never move to find the right tool. This only...

Tue, 30 Oct 2012 22:18:34 -0400

Sometimes i want to cut and i decide i will, but never move to find the right tool. This only happens when i hear about it and miss the rush. I quit 2 years ago and had 4 relapses… well, moments of weakness which isn’t bad. It’s still a part of me. Addictions WILL always be there. I never think about the people around me because its not up to them to tell me what i should and shouldn’t do. This is my battle. No one elses. Beat my ass. I don’t care. I stopped for myself because it was getting old and i was sick of hiding it and hear people bitch. Now, thankfully i didn’t, but i had to write a song about everything i used to think while cutting and draw a slitted up arm, but it stopped the withdrawal. I kept busy through my ‘please please please’ nagging. Now, i must stop, because if i talk to much about it my withdrawals start up again. Byeee.

Me

Sat, 06 Oct 2012 14:45:00 -0400

I’m far from any normal girl.
I am sad, depressed, angry, happy, joyful, rambuncious. I am a rebel, a goody to shoes. I can be your best friend or the biggest bitch. I will always put others weights on my shoulders, simply because if they trust me i want to help them, whether its a helping hand or a helping ear. You may be afraid to tell me, for fear of stressing me out, but i will always be this way. By not telling me i stress that i’m not a good friend, by telling me i worry, but am glad you confide in me. I am simply a good person with emotional struggles. Don’t hate me, but if you do, oh well. That’s your problem.

and so the emo girl moved far away and she lived.........

Mon, 27 Feb 2012 08:51:21 -0500

She lived in a beautiful new world with her ex step mother and her husband. but, emo’s world still wasn’t all rainbows and unicorns. Her grandpa died january 6th. she watched him die for 4 days n the hospital after coding. During this time she mainly watched her younger siblings but she still got to go. She watched her mamaw cry for the 1st time when they were alone. It meant something to her. A bonded weld that would never be broken. Emo also had a long distance relationship but saw him once a month. They are engaged and are planning their wedding for sep 16 2013. she misses her friends dearly. especially both her alexis’s, nick nick, garrett, chris, and well all of them. i only have 2 real friends on tumblr. i miss u both all the time. Nick, i wish you would some how talk to me or at least talk to me 2 tell me you dont want 2 talk to me. I miss you, so much. Alexis, i miss your smiling face & i want u to know that i’m over him. 10 months & i dont care abt him. thank u for listening and being a true friend

Fuck you... Crazy girl letting her emotions out...

Mon, 07 Mar 2011 20:10:33 -0500

Dear mom,

suck my dick.

Yell yell yell. scream scream scream.

“Can you make dinner?” “Sure I’m only an emotional wreak!” *Cooks dinner for everyone but herself* “there is no meat.”

Oh my fucking bad, omg the world will end for the fat ass cuz I made no meat… awww poor fat ass…. Suck my dick. Make somethin for yourself.

“Oh hey guess what? Your step brother is dead!”

Cry my eyes out for days

“You’ve never stopped complaining about getting a tattoo for 5 years. This is just an excuse.”

Suck my dick mom.

“You haven’t seen him in 2 years and you haven’t seen him much in your whole life!”
SUCK MY DICK. I’ve known him since I was 6. He was my big brother! The only reason I haven’t seen him in 2 years is cuz you wouldn’t let me because you had to bitch at his mom over the stupidest shit!

“Mom, I can’t concentrate at all. I tried but I just can’t can I please stay home? The school excuses people if a family member has died… and I just can’t….” “No! The school doesn’t do it for stepbrothers!”

Yell yell yell…. scream….scream….scream…..

Dylan was sweet, kind, funny, and the best big brother ever. He made me laugh more then anyone I have ever known. If I was depressed I could count on him to make me laugh. I don’t care if I just saw him every summer from 6-12 years of age, 5 years of spring break, and 3 years of winter… I don’t give a fuck… he was MY BROTHER 2! WHY DON’T YOU GET THAT!? I’M HURT, ANGRY, DEPRESSED, AND UPSET. MY BROTHER WAS TAKEN AWAY FROM ME AND MY REAL FAMILY!!!! WHY DON’T YOU UNDERSTAND!?

“Your making this all about you….”

I SURE AS HELL AM AREN’T I!? I MOSTLY CRY ALONE AND TRY TO HIDE WHEN PEOPLE ARE NEAR. I ONLY CRY TO NEAL WHEN HE SHOWS UP AND FUCKING LISTENS!!! I’M MAKING THIS ABOUT ME!? FUCK YOU!!!!!! I HATE YOU… AFTER YOU PULL THIS SHIT ON ME!? AFTER YOU YELL AT ME AND TELL ME YOU DON’T CARE ABOUT ANYONE IN THE FUCKING HOUSE!? YOUR MAKING MY LIFE HELL AGAIN! ALL I WANT TO DO IS BE WITH MY REAL FAMILY. THE ONES WHO ARE CRYING UP IN INDIANA WITH ME. THOSE ARE MY FAMILY. NOT YOU. I DON’T KNOW WHO THE HELL YOU ARE. YOUR JUST SOME BITCH WHO LIKES TO CAUSE ME EVER MORE PAIN….Just fuck you mom…. fuck you….

In case you want to know...

Sun, 06 Mar 2011 01:32:30 -0500

Dylan’s funeral is this Saturday. Going up there thursday after school I think. I’ll be back sunday night… Getting a tat in memory of him… god I miss him.

R.I.P Dylan

Sat, 05 Mar 2011 01:33:00 -0500

It seems like just yesterday I was with you in the Livingroom while you growled and protected your “babies” (stuffed animals) and you pushed over anyone who came near…. it seems like just yesterday when you told us the joke about Hannah’s (My sister) cat attacking your face and used the stuffed one to demonstrate. It seems like just yesterday when Hannah and I camped out in our backyard for 5 hours waiting for you to get up the mountain and wave at us and when you came back and described how you fell off the mountain…. Its not fair… out of all the people in the world… why my big brother? Why did he have to die…. He was so funny and crazy and full of life. He was starting a new job monday and getting married. He was turning 20 this year… 20! …. DD if your up there in heaven…. if it really exists…. I want you to know I love you so much and that you shouldn’t have left. I missed you a few weeks ago and now I miss you more then ever… I wish you were ok… and I wish I could remember hugging you and telling you I loved you… I hope the letter telling you I looked up to you and admired you ment something…. I love you Dylan…. I wish you were still with us… The funeral next weekend will be so hard. Good bye big brother… I’ll miss you so much.

Burning....

Fri, 18 Feb 2011 16:27:36 -0500

I’m buring everything… Starting with one of the pictures? Or the letters? I haven’t decided yet… and i’m ending it with the picture you gave me that makes me smile… I can’t keep this shit anymore, weather its for a novel or not… I can’t bear looking at it… Fuck you.

formspring.me

Thu, 17 Feb 2011 17:15:07 -0500

Ask away… :D http://formspring.me/1moon101

Sigh...

Thu, 17 Feb 2011 11:44:39 -0500

Yeah I miss you so bad it fuckin hurts…. am I really doing much about it? No. I ask you some questions about some medicine and you answer but when I ask how you are do you answer? No. You say you wanted a hug yesterday when we were talking but said you might cry. I ask why… you say your emotional… just because… Guess what? It worries the shit out of me. I was always here for you and my heart longs to be here for you now. I miss you… I want to come back… I don’t know if I will… I wish someone would snap me out of this….

And the hug I ended up giving you? Guess what? I felt safer then I have in over a month. All because of you.

formspring.me

Tue, 01 Feb 2011 20:20:26 -0500

Ask away… :D http://formspring.me/1moon101

I don't care

Thu, 27 Jan 2011 17:05:17 -0500

K what the fuck is wrong with me?

I don’t care about you I don’t care I don’t care I don’t care. I. Don’t. Fucking. Care.

When I see you I don’t care!!!

Wish I wouldn’t have even texted you cuz I hate hearing that you “care” for me. Do

ya really? Or do you just know it will fuck with me cuz it does!!!!

I hate you. I really do. I don’t care about you….

I don’t care about anything,

I don’t care that my friends are pretty much fading outta my life, or at least the

important ones. I don’t care I don’t care I don’t care!

Waking Up

Sat, 15 Jan 2011 15:29:25 -0500

I tried my best to deal with you. I tried my best to put up with you…

But I didn’t cry until I thought about why I had to hold on this long.

Their was no point to it.

So I wrote you a letter. I poured my heart and soul into that letter.

It was perfect. No flaws. No holes. I was in a numb fog having once again ended our friendship. You finally read it. What was your reply? “It was repetitive.”

Repetitive? I broke out of my dream then. I felt just like I had in the seventh grade before I befriended you. I felt like I had woken up. I look at you in the hallway and I feel nothing for you. I see you and I don’t care. I don’t care at all. I hear you and see you and think about you and I expect this pain to shoot threw me but the only emotion I feel I can only describe as is “I don’t give a flying fuck.” and I don’t. I really don’t. I gave you chance after chance. I let you hurt me time and time again. I cried over you and helped was your crutch. If I ever meant a fucking thing to you then why didn’t you bother to change? Well you didn’t and I’ve moved on. When you break up with your bitch of a girlfriend and for sure know that she is the bitch she is. Your going to be all alone for the most part.. and you know something? I’m NOT coming back. Not this time… why? Because…. I DON’T CARE ABOUT YOU ANYMORE…. Enjoy your whores cuz I’m finally waking up… <3

???

Wed, 01 Dec 2010 18:29:59 -0500

Why do I feel like… Something is missing?

Why does it hurt?

Why am I about to cry?

Is it because I’m missing?

Is it because everything is not fine?

Haha..... No

Thu, 11 Nov 2010 17:51:43 -0500

Well…. That was a not fun experience that I will NEVER go threw again. To much pain. Physically and emotionally…. well the missing my friends part at least….

I'd Like To Think...

Thu, 04 Nov 2010 16:43:22 -0400

I’d like to think one day I’ll be happy.

That I won’t always feel this way and

that I’ll fall in love and have a family…

Its only a thought…

Blahhhhhh

Tue, 02 Nov 2010 22:23:12 -0400

All I can do is miss you…

and bang my head on computer desk in

hopes that I don’t text you…

WHICH IS KILLING ME NOT TO WHEN I WANT TOO…

like you would answer any way cuz your asleep……

Fuck this shit!

Tue, 02 Nov 2010 12:07:42 -0400

Fuck this shit and fuck this pain.

Why do I have to miss you this bad?

Why do I want you back this bad?

Cry cry cry.

Cry for the pain.

Cry about how much I miss you.

After all you put me threw,

it takes all I have just not to text you.

Congradulations. Your happy without me.

I’m not happy without you.

I’m not happy when you put me in pain.

I hate this… Fuck this shit…

Can eat only a little, can’t sleep, can’t think.

See what you do?

If you hadn’t been such an asshole we could be fine.

We could be hanging out today or texting or calling,

but no, you had to hurt me and drive me fucking insane.

How Could You?

Fri, 29 Oct 2010 16:46:07 -0400

Why did you have to call me?

Why couldn’t you have just let me hate you?

I hate you.

I hate how miserable I am because of you.

You bastard…

Why do you have to always make it hurt worse?

Fuck You

Thu, 28 Oct 2010 17:01:00 -0400

Fuck you.

Fuck what you say.

Fuck what you do.

Its all about you?

HA its about me too.

We were the best of friends.

You were the jelly to my peanut butter (time),

but now its time for me to realize your just an asshole,

I was there threw the pain and the shit you went threw.

I took your crap and your pain too,

and I smiled even though i wanted to just die.

I’m fucking done with your ass.

I hope you miss me so much it hurts,

cuz I’m not coming back this time.

Wed, 27 Oct 2010 19:24:00 -0400

So your gone now… and I’m not giving it this time… Funny how close the song “Goodbye To You” really describes this… 3 years… I have to get you out of my head though. Rid you from my mind. One day maybe you’ll be just a memory and not a heartache…

I love you

Goodbye CJ.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0dfYBG5ia-E

P.S My mom is giving me hell again, and she’s throwing up blood!